Revenge
by secretfanficlover
Summary: Sirius keeps himself from making the mistake to go after Peter, but he blames himself for what happened to his friends. At least Remus is there to comfort him. Warnings: Canon deaths, post traumatic stress, depression


**This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.**

* * *

Word Count: 1268

Title: Revenge

Note: Thank you to Faith in wonderland for the inspiration for this fic. AU events

Warnings: Canon deaths, post-traumatic stress, depression

Beta: DarylDixon'sgirl1985, Aya Diefair

* * *

Golden Snitch

[Name] Crissie

[School] Uagadou

[House] Ogyinae

Missed Moments: What if Sirius didn't go after Peter?

(emotion) remorse

* * *

Quidditch League:

[Team] N/A

[Position] Captain

[Theme] Eloquence- Beauty and persuasion in speech

* * *

International Wizarding School Competition:

[School]:Ivernmorny

[Year] 1

[Prompts]:

Main: [Word] Revenge

Additional: [Emotion] Anticipation

[Song] Hello, Goodbye - The Beatles

[Theme]:The Shrieking Shack. Look at horror and fear in the wizarding world.

[Special Rule] Incorporate the colour white and the meaning behind it in your story: Innocence

* * *

Hogwarts

Assignment 5: Magical Law & Government: Magical Law Enforcement: Task #1 - Auror Offices: Write about a confrontation

* * *

"Sirius," Remus said, opening his floo to the haggard looking man. Sirius couldn't help it, he was trying to keep from bursting with fury. He couldn't say anything.

"What's going on?" Remus asked. Sirius shook his head, not trusting himself to speak. Remus was looking at him carefully. "You're hiding something from me."

"Not intentionally," Sirius managed to mutter.

"Tell me," Remus suggested, and Sirius walked into his arms, and started to sob.

"It's Lily and James," Sirius cried. "Peter, Peter betrayed them."

"Peter?" Remus asked curiously. "But you were their Secret-keeper."

Sirius shook his head, scowling. "He convinced us to change it at the last minute. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Moony," Sirius replied.

"Why?"

"It was Dumbledore's idea that nobody should know, nobody would have expected it to be Peter," Sirius said through broken sobs.

"So, they are…" Remus couldn't finish his sentence. Sirius simply nodded.

"I almost killed him," Sirius admitted.

"I wouldn't have blamed you, but this way at least we can work things out together," Remus suggested. Sirius felt warm being held by Remus, and he knew he made the right choice by not pursuing Peter Pettigrew. He tried to ignore the wetness of his cheek against his lover's chest.

The two of them sat discussing it, Sirius was leaning on his arms, his face stricken with grief. Remus stood up, pacing on the worn carpet.

"We should go to Dumbledore," Remus suggested. "The sooner the better."

Sirius nodded, standing up from the table. Remus lit up the floo, and they went straight to their former headmaster's office in Hogwarts, but something was stopping Sirius from entering, which wasn't stopping Remus.

"Wait here," Remus cried as he got engulfed into green flames and was transported from the room.

Sirius was feeling distressed, and pacing in front of the fireplace wasn't working so he went into the kitchen he and Remus shared to dig out the strawberries from the drawer and biting into it, letting the numbness overcome him.

There was a horror that he felt when he knew he would see them again, that night in his nightmares, and they would blame him. They should blame _him_, he did. He never should have let Peter be the one to protect them. He would have died for them instead of betrayed them.

When Remus returned, Dumbledore was with him. "Black," Dumbledore said, his face was grey and lost its usual sparkle. "I believed they would be safe," he insisted. "You know that, don't you?"

Sirius just nodded. "You can't blame yourself," Dumbledore said, reading Sirius's expression. "We couldn't ever have imagined Pettigrew to be one of them."

"Dumbledore," Remus spoke from behind the two of them.

"Yes, Lupin?" he asked, turning to face Remus. Sirius saw him swallow deeply and steal himself for his confession. He knew that Dumbledore could be one to overlook the rules on occasion.

"He is an unregistered animagus," Remus said, swallowing shallowly.

"Oh, Lupin no, you didn't," Dumbledore said, the disappointment was clear on his face.

"It's not his fault that Pettigrew is a Death Eater. I would say that our prior motives are hardly the question right now," Sirius said forcefully, he hated the way Lupin was paling under the scrutiny of their previous headmaster.

"Indeed, I think I will speak with the Order, perhaps if you could disclose his identity?"

"A fat rat," Sirius said, almost spitting with fury. The only thing that was on his mind was revenge, he wanted to avenge his best friends, and he wanted to get his own back for being tricked by the spineless Death Eater scum.

* * *

Sirius was tossing and turning for hours before a restless sleep fell over him. He was there again…

_Sirius saw the wreckage of Goddric's Hollow before him, the entire house was destroyed. Only one small noise could be heard, it was the cry of an infant, it was Harry. Sirius ran into the room, but stopped abruptly when his eyes landed on the body of his best friend, James. Sirius could see his hands raised to cover his face. He always knew James would go down fighting evil until his last breath._

_He choked back a cry, and continued towards the source of noise in the otherwise lifeless house. He saw the body of the fiery redhead next, her arms reached out in a protective stance in front of the crib. The crib where little Harry Potter was sitting, a soft white teddy bear in his chubby hand. His other hand was rubbing his eyes, tears running down his cheeks. _

_Suddenly, Sirius was gone, and he knew what he had done, he even relived the moment when he held his own wand to his temple, not sure what his next move was going to be. Would he kill himself? End it all, right now? Or simply an Obliviate? But he withheld with a force he didn't know he was capable off. _

Sirius awoke with a start, and could feel Remus rubbing circles on his back. "Remus, should I have taken him?" Sirius asked, Remus's hands didn't stop.

"I don't know, Padfoot," he said softly, and Sirius watched the white sheet fluttering to the ground, as if mocking him.

"I should be taking care of him," he insisted, "He is my godson."

"We will talk to Dumbledore," Remus insisted, "I am sure he will give the boy to you."

"Can I take care of him?" Sirius asked, his voice was an uncertain whisper in the darkness of the room.

"Of course you will be able to," Remus said forcefully. "You have me, how can you both not be okay?"

Sirius could tell Remus was joking, and he smiled without turning. Yes, his boyfriend knew him better than he knew himself sometimes. But there was something Remus would never know the extent of, the blame he placed on himself as he relived that nightmare every night, and every waking moment for the rest of his life. It plagued him more than he had ever believed it could, but perhaps if they caught Peter, perhaps if there was revenge, some sort of justice for him, Harry, and all the others, perhaps then he could finally forgive himself for the tragic thing that happened.

Remus kissed his neck, making him shiver. "I know this isn't what you want to hear," Remus said between soft featherlight kisses. "This isn't your fault."

Sirius sighed, maybe someday he would be ready to believe that, but that wasn't tonight, when simply the sliver of the new moon lit up their otherwise dark bedroom. It was like it reflected the mood inside, and what was happening outside as well.

* * *

"Hi there little one," Sirius said, watching Harry messing up his white onesie by scooping up handfuls of dirt in the garden, and he attempted to remove Harry's little hand from the ground.

Harry cried out, and Sirius sighed dramatically. "Look what you did now," he scolded the child playfully. He had told Remus dressing a toddler in all white was a bad idea.

"Black," he heard the voice of Dumbledore. Dumbledore seemed to be beaming from ear to ear, and although Sirius had attempted to push back the depression that threatened to overwhelm him every night, he didn't see any reason for the man to be smiling at all. At last Dumbledore spoke again before he mentioned it.

"They found him, Black," Dumbledore said. "They found Peter Pettigrew."

Sirius felt like there was suddenly some hope beneath the dark cloud, and he saw a golden lining. This was it, _time for revenge. _


End file.
